Just thinking about blogging.....

I remember my feelings when I first opened a blog page. I was excited to get my true thoughts and feelings out there. It seemed fun to have one of those flashy journals where you could insert "dancing aliens" or great photos, etc. except I suck at figuring stuff like that out. I could be an anonymous woman speaking for myself, and maybe occasionally echoing how another woman or man thinks or feels. Then, as time has progressed, I have become a bit repressed. I almost wish I were still anonymous. I re-read the tiny little entry I wrote nearly 1.5 years ago (I love to watch you sleep) where I could freely pour out my feelings of love and desire for my husband and not really think about or care if anyone noticed or responded. That entry actually garnished surprise attention and earned me an honorable mention for blogging. That is extremely hard to do now. Now, I feel shy to share such words. This hesitance REALLY isn't what I was after as a blogger. I feel more accountable, meaning that it's a little weird for me to know that some of my words are read by people who would then be led to mentally say .."ok...too much information, Jess". And I am NOT just saying that the words I would choose to write are inappropriate in sexual ways, etc. That's not really my style, and if I were to want to write in that style, I'd definitely have an intentionally anonymous journal. I just wonder if anyone else understands what I am saying or feeling. I've always fantasized about being a writer. I wanted to get on a journal forum, and just start releasing all that pent up wit and wisdom, and just have readers flocking to my pages as I've seen from other blogger's journals. Instead, I am completely boring myself. But then again, maybe this entry will at least make me feel better about it.