so lax of me

I am not blogging much these days. I barely email my tried and true email pen pals. This too shall pass. What I wish wouldn't pass, are the days of Nate's babyhood. They fly by too quickly. I just want to hold him tight and absorb him, and slow things down. I want all the little moments to last and last. I think if I could change anything it would have been having him so late in my life. That was unavoidable. I was never in a place in my life to have a baby when I was younger. I think people who space their babies 4 years apart have a good plan. They get to enjoy the littlest one after the previous child is old enough to enjoy their sibling as well. Each child gets much more specialized individual attention. It seems the second child and onward sometimes get lost in the shuffle a bit more than the first baby when they are close in age. But I can't wait 3 more years to try again. I don't even know if I can try again at all. Each stage of his life is wonderful, and I love it all so much, but unlike others who just roll with the changes, ever looking forward to the next, I feel this deep sadness underneath the smile he brings to my face, because I instantly think of how fleeting these "firsts" are. He's amazing.