A response for John

I am thinking back to the feelings I had in my head and heart before I met George. I had found what I thought was my soul mate. I don't even like writing about him because of my respect and love for George and the beauty he's brought back into my heart. I just remember the pain of the loss of this man. As I was going through the process of losing him, each and every time I would allow my thoughts to dwell on him I would have this gradually increasing swell of pain that would richochet through my heart and stomach. It was kind of like holding your hand over a flame, the longer you hold it there, the deeper the pain. My heart started feeling like a hand over the flame and I would quickly "withdraw" my thoughts and push them back into a corner of my head somewhere as a form of self preservation. I wrote this during that time:

A REASON TO LIVE

When you look into the windows of my soul and the rooms seem so cold and so bare.

Does the dimness of life's light through the tear-spattered panes make it seem as if no one is there?

As much as my pain-ridden soul longs to leave -this dwelling so riddled with grief,

I'm still here, huddled down in a corner of myself ,kept alive by a simple belief.

Though my heart is suspended in a pool of pain, no longer pulsing love's warmth to my soul,

I'll still wait for the knock on it's hollow door letting love back inside 'til it's whole.

So look into this seemingly lifeless abode and knock on my door once again.

Call out my name, pull the shades from my eyes and let love's light flood back in.