another Sunday

This is Spring Break week in Ann Arbor so things are quiet. The barbershop closes early all week due to the low volume of kids around. I wonder what Katrina will do to the Mardis Gras crowd this year? Most of the buys I talked to are heading to Mexico or some tropical place for fun. I hope everyone has a fun FAT Tuesday. Nathaniel is getting bigger all the time. I can't believe it. He's about 22 lbs at 5 months old. I'll be posting some great photos in a few weeks. We went to a friend of mine's photo studio and she's a wiz with babies and children. We should have some cute stuff.

The last two weeks

It's been quite a life changing couple of weeks. Nate is just a little darling, and I know every new parent says it, but you can't describe the depth of love you feel when you hold your baby in your arms. I spent the first week in tears half the time because I just felt like I wasn't able to really take care of him properly since I couldn't feed him enough and he was getting jaundiced, etc. But it's gotten better in the second week. I get to hold him for a LOT of time, because he's apparently got a bottomless tummy and I can't keep him fed enough. It's wearing me out but I figure it'll all even out eventually. I love how tiny he is. I look forward to the fun months as he grows but a part of me wants him to stay just like he is for a while. Well, he's crying now as we speak, so I have to get off here.

He's here at last

I finally have my little guy....it was a long, complicated labor, but we pulled through thanks to some epidural help. I just have a minute to do a photo update. I sent these to a few of you already but just wanted a little posting publicly.

So busy

I keep putting things off that I can't put off any longer. I have to find a pediatrician for the baby, and get my own act together with various projects that I will not have time for later-like, a ton of thank you notes that I haven't had a chunk of time to take care of , and I just HAVE to get it going. We did our hospital tour a week ago and that was an interesting step to take. I had a small local baby shower at my sisters last Sunday. It was really nice to have my friend Robin from Tennessee visiting at the same time. Having such a huge change in my life coming up is starting to really finally hit me in a big way. There are a few aspects of the change that I am afraid of. I have always liked having control of myself. I've never really just surrendered my entire life to something else or someone else in every single way since adulthood. And that's just the way I've felt especially in the last few years. George and I have had this almost idyllic existence together, and this "honeymoon baby" is a big factor of change that is wonderful, and yet I always fear that it will be such a big change in our marriage and it's scary. We've rarely had issues needing to be resolved in day to day life, and a baby brings new issues to be resolved and I am hoping our lack of need for that previously doesn't leave us ill equipped. I don't want to be a statistic. Again. Not this time. Not ever again.

I'm getting nervous

There are so many conflicting stories and opinions on having babies. The chances of me being one of those easy stories seems awfully small. Knowing that, I just get a little freaked out. You'd think that with all the amazing miracles of medicine available today they'd figure out a way to make childbirth as easy as other formerly nightmare procedures used to be. I don't want to hear "but it's all worth it". Sorry, I am a serious WIMP. I barely survived getting my fingers stitched up. I hate to know that I am probably going to be doing the epidural option because I just am not up for hours of ridiculous pain. And just imagining that NEEDLE makes me ill !!! I KNOW my baby will be worth giving my life, but it shouldn't HAVE to be that way. So, all I can do is hope for the best. My pregnancy has been a healthy one. I wanted to go to a hypno birthing expert, but that costs serious money. I am doing some reading on the subject and who knows if that will help. I can't wait to see my little Nate. I wish I could just fast forward to that moment.

a free day off

I wasn't needed at either work places today which gave me a much needed day off. George and I actually accomplished a few important things. He knew I was getting pretty frantic and came through for me today. First, thank goodness, we just jumped into the car and went to Art Van for a good mattress set which we've put off too long, but it's so hard to just allow yourself to spend that much money in one place when you need so many things. But when push comes to shove, I am in desperate need of a good night's sleep and I am messing George's sleep up pretty badly in the process. I can't go choose something like that on my own, and we rarely are off at the same time. This week has been truly the last straw since I am truly feeling the weight of this baby more than ever. Art Van delivers and sets up....which is a big plus. We had a long to do list here at home, but our shopping trips including some hardware store needs took up major portions of our day. So, our next day off together is Sunday, which is our anniversary. I want that to be a nice day. Our best man just surprised us by sending us a copy of the only video that was taken that day. (bad planning on our part). It was great of him to get it to us by our anniversary. And starting next week, I hope to finally get a great night's sleep so things are really looking up.

The time flies by

We are nowhere near ready as far as the nursery project goes. We've got a lot of the painting done in the other rooms, but stuff must be moved out of that room still. I love George to pieces, but I really wish this was a real burning priority to him like it is to me. He gets so into his photography and other projects that he's consumed with, and I realize they are probably much more fun to do. I wish this "nesting' phase was contaigous. I can't be carrying boxes of books, etc.out of there. Realistically, the baby could be born at any time even tho' he's not due for over a month. I feel our living space is just complete chaos. We'll be having a lot of company visiting once he's born which has me in a panic. The good news: we've been given a crib and a changing table, along with many other needed items through the course of this pregnancy. What we have left to buy will hopefully be covered with gift certificates and maybe another baby shower. We've been really blessed so far.

I can't believe that our first wedding anniversary is this Sunday. This has been such an amazing year. I think we'll go someplace special for dinner. Being 8 months pregnant makes it hard to plan a get away or anything I'd normally want to do. I don't want to make the mistake some women do, and be so focused on this baby that my husband feels left out. We just got back from another visit to Virginia to see family and they were so generous with baby gifts, etc. We had a nice time but that car trip is the last one I want to take for a while.