Finally graduated

Saturday was my final day of school. Now I have to send in my application to take my State Board exam. I need to start trying to work because I can't afford all the tons of things a baby needs. I don't have enough friends/family nearby or in a central location, to really do much of a shower. Meanwhile, in my down time I am organizing/spring cleaning and getting a jump start on getting a nursery room cleaned out and started. I don't have another baby appt. for about 3+ weeks. I may not be quite far enough along to find out if I have a boy or a girl, but it would be cool if they could tell. I always peek at baby clothes when I am out shopping, and it's so hard to not buy a little outfit here and there, I don't want a closet full of green and yellow things because of not knowing which colors to buy. Also, trying on maternity stuff is weird. I am not really big enough for full blown maternity wear, but I am definitely in limbo with the clothes I currently own. My jeans are tight in the waist and there's a definite "bubble" showing up in my fitted shirts. I absolutely REFUSE to wear sweat pants and large baggy t'shirts everywhere. I am going to look as attractive as possible for as long as possible. Well, that's the latest. It's great to be done with school !!

The first glimpse

Today I finally had my first prenatal visit. Boy was that a long time coming. It's hard to see that first "positive" sign on the home pregnancy test, and then be told you have to wait weeks and weeks to actually be examined fully. I've had all kinds of friends and family asking me questions that I didn't have the answers to. Today I expected to just get to hear the heartbeat with the doppler instrument they use. Instead I got to actually see an early ultra sound taken internally. It was so cool. You not only get that first glimpse of the baby, but you can see the heart working as well. The images aren't as clear as they will be as the baby grows, but it was clear enough to be such a relief. To hear him say that the baby is the right size based on our initial due date guess, etc. is great. It was a very emotional and beautiful experience, and will hopefully get better as time progresses. I am feeling pretty good over all. More updates as I get them....

Due date: September 28......two days after George's birthday :)

Done with school in TWO WEEKS...... !!!

things are moving right along

I am feeling pretty good so far. I have felt a little more "queasy" than I did the first few weeks, but I hope it doesn't progress to full-out morning sickness. I am reading all the information I can get my hands on, which helps with any nervousness I am feeling inside. I had to tow my car to the mechanic's today. I hope this isn't the beginning of another money pit car situation. I am so tired of cars crapping out on me. I think it may be my starter, but we'll find out tomorrow. I hope the day comes when I can actually get a GOOD vehicle. I especially worry about this with a baby on the way. I don't want to be stranded somewhere with a little one in tow. We have so much to think about and deal with. George's job situation isn't looking too promising and of course I am still laid off. I of course will eventually get some better money when I am done with school, and I can only hope his work place hangs in there til then. He's pursuing other avenues, including going back to school. I feel very lucky no matter what may come. Things always fall in line somehow.

Nervous and excited

Should I write this in pink.......or blue???

It's a bit early to blab to the universe, but apparently all my worries about being able to have a baby are over, since I have a blaringly POSITIVE result on the test I took this morning. My life is about to change forever. It's a bit sooner than I was expecting, but better too soon, than not at all. Now I must search for the right doctor , and all those fun things that come with it.

I'm alive and well

I actually had written a nice long update the other day, since it has been an unforgivably long time since my last writing, and as I tried to save it to the blog page, my P.O.S. computer decided to freeze up on me. (My computer's owner hadn't done a "defrag" in 6 mos. -I guess that could be a problem eh?) Well, we'll try again. I am within 300 hours of being done at Miss Katie's College of Horror-er..Beauty. I am so close and it seems like I am just reaching the crest of the hill, and my engine doesn't want to keep chugging upward. I feel like I am in quicksand or something. But I know I'll look back on it all and wonder why I was worried. The more I learn about some aspect of the Beauty industry, the more I know I have to learn. I am the type of person who really wants to be GOOD at everything I attempt. It makes me afraid to even start a new project because I put that pressure on myself. And, unfortunately, not everything in this business has just come naturally to me. I have truly had to work hard at it. I see some of the girls in school who are over 15 years younger than me, and just totally clueless about the way the world works, but can do the work at school without a second of hesitation. I grit my teeth and try to remember the part in school where they said "Success in this business is only partially about skill with hair, but you have to have skill with people." That part I know I have down pretty well.

Life in other areas is pretty ok. I did lose my job just as I was attempting to pay off the last of my bill to the school owner. It's going to really be tough making ends meet but I know we'll manage. George has been wonderful. He often works at least a 60 hour week to help us keep on top of things. It wears him out, and when I was working and going to school, I didn't feel so guilty but I can't really go get a new job knowing that I'll have to quit to go to the barbershop almost as soon as I start. So, all I can do is try and help out where possible. I guess I'd better post this entry in the hopes that I don't lose it again. I am hoping I can post a picture soon as well. My new nephew is getting cuter and chubbier every day. He's 17lbs now. And he's not a long baby, so he looks like a little round Butterball turkey. I just spent this past weekend visiting the baby and Hallie. Every second with them is precious. My unofficial New Year's resolution....to try to update this blog at least 2 times a month !!. Happy New Year.....

It's been a month !

I didn't realize so much time had passed since I' ve been able to write. And there's too many little things that have happened in all that time. I've pretty much lived the same daily existence, but a few things come to mind: First, my sister Bethamy had a beautiful baby boy, so I have another nephew Brian Layne Wilson. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. George took me out for a nice romantic dinner and was completely wonderful to me. It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. However, birthdays are really truly freaking me out right now. I can't let another birthday go by without really figuring out how I am going to juggle my life, new up-coming career, and the possibility of trying to have children. It's been hitting me lately just how unfairly the male vs. female reproductive age has been set up by whomever is in charge of this universe. If there is a God, here's yet another reason why I am convinced God is Male. God is a bit sexist in too many ways to count. I feel and look a lot younger than my years. I really want to be able to have more than a couple more years to decide something with such a huge impact on my life. I've been completely unable to consider a family before now. My life until I met George just wouldn't have accommodated a child. It's wonderful that I finally have met the man of my dreams, and yet I am incredibly sad that it didn't happen 10 years ago, or even 5. Of course 10 years ago, I wouldn't have appreciated him, and since I kind of robbed the cradle, he wouldn't have been ready then. He was barely past drinking age. Now that's a funny thought. Well, that was quite a rabbit trail from my original opening words, but my birthday, and the subsequent pre holiday shopping and Christmas get togethers have kept me at a steady run since I last posted a blog. I hope everyone's having a great December.

It feels like the end of the world

I have been a Republican minded person for many years. I never thought I'd switch my point of view. And I can't help feeling this sinking feeling of doom contemplating the next four years. I don't engage in the arguments that surround me from friends, classmates, and co workers. I am not writing this in my journal so that anyone else can then argue with me or give their opinion. I am very educated and I do my homework. Unlike in the past, I've actually decided to use my own brain instead of letting others tell me how I am supposed to think and feel. My feelings about this presidency and about Republican vs. Democrat have never been cut and dry. There are strong points and weak points to both parties. I hear on NPR that the over all feeling from people who voted for Bush was more because of his "morality" and that's the very thing about him that made me switch parties and vote Democrat. I've been appalled at the manipulations, the lies, and the basic bullshit that we've been handed and are expected to put up with. That's not MY definition of moral. All year I've been thinking to myself, SURELY people aren't falling for this crap? Surely, someone out there has a PROBLEM with what's been going on in regards to this war. And I had to shake my head yesterday as I saw the election results, and then would hear reasons for why it happened. "He seems so strong, unwavering". "He should be allowed to finish what he started". That's like saying that the factory up the river might as well keep dumping their shit in the water, and finish off the fish since they might as well finish what they started. And speaking of pollution, I can't wait for my great grandchildren to read this and other journals I've written describing life in a world where they don't have to live in a bubble to survive. Maybe while I am here I should describe the forests and the beauty that still remains as part of our earth. I'll quit ranting now. I hope to God we don't all regret putting such a puppet back in the White House.