things are moving right along

I am feeling pretty good so far. I have felt a little more "queasy" than I did the first few weeks, but I hope it doesn't progress to full-out morning sickness. I am reading all the information I can get my hands on, which helps with any nervousness I am feeling inside. I had to tow my car to the mechanic's today. I hope this isn't the beginning of another money pit car situation. I am so tired of cars crapping out on me. I think it may be my starter, but we'll find out tomorrow. I hope the day comes when I can actually get a GOOD vehicle. I especially worry about this with a baby on the way. I don't want to be stranded somewhere with a little one in tow. We have so much to think about and deal with. George's job situation isn't looking too promising and of course I am still laid off. I of course will eventually get some better money when I am done with school, and I can only hope his work place hangs in there til then. He's pursuing other avenues, including going back to school. I feel very lucky no matter what may come. Things always fall in line somehow.

Nervous and excited

Should I write this in pink.......or blue???

It's a bit early to blab to the universe, but apparently all my worries about being able to have a baby are over, since I have a blaringly POSITIVE result on the test I took this morning. My life is about to change forever. It's a bit sooner than I was expecting, but better too soon, than not at all. Now I must search for the right doctor , and all those fun things that come with it.

I'm alive and well

I actually had written a nice long update the other day, since it has been an unforgivably long time since my last writing, and as I tried to save it to the blog page, my P.O.S. computer decided to freeze up on me. (My computer's owner hadn't done a "defrag" in 6 mos. -I guess that could be a problem eh?) Well, we'll try again. I am within 300 hours of being done at Miss Katie's College of Horror-er..Beauty. I am so close and it seems like I am just reaching the crest of the hill, and my engine doesn't want to keep chugging upward. I feel like I am in quicksand or something. But I know I'll look back on it all and wonder why I was worried. The more I learn about some aspect of the Beauty industry, the more I know I have to learn. I am the type of person who really wants to be GOOD at everything I attempt. It makes me afraid to even start a new project because I put that pressure on myself. And, unfortunately, not everything in this business has just come naturally to me. I have truly had to work hard at it. I see some of the girls in school who are over 15 years younger than me, and just totally clueless about the way the world works, but can do the work at school without a second of hesitation. I grit my teeth and try to remember the part in school where they said "Success in this business is only partially about skill with hair, but you have to have skill with people." That part I know I have down pretty well.

Life in other areas is pretty ok. I did lose my job just as I was attempting to pay off the last of my bill to the school owner. It's going to really be tough making ends meet but I know we'll manage. George has been wonderful. He often works at least a 60 hour week to help us keep on top of things. It wears him out, and when I was working and going to school, I didn't feel so guilty but I can't really go get a new job knowing that I'll have to quit to go to the barbershop almost as soon as I start. So, all I can do is try and help out where possible. I guess I'd better post this entry in the hopes that I don't lose it again. I am hoping I can post a picture soon as well. My new nephew is getting cuter and chubbier every day. He's 17lbs now. And he's not a long baby, so he looks like a little round Butterball turkey. I just spent this past weekend visiting the baby and Hallie. Every second with them is precious. My unofficial New Year's resolution....to try to update this blog at least 2 times a month !!. Happy New Year.....

It's been a month !

I didn't realize so much time had passed since I' ve been able to write. And there's too many little things that have happened in all that time. I've pretty much lived the same daily existence, but a few things come to mind: First, my sister Bethamy had a beautiful baby boy, so I have another nephew Brian Layne Wilson. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. George took me out for a nice romantic dinner and was completely wonderful to me. It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. However, birthdays are really truly freaking me out right now. I can't let another birthday go by without really figuring out how I am going to juggle my life, new up-coming career, and the possibility of trying to have children. It's been hitting me lately just how unfairly the male vs. female reproductive age has been set up by whomever is in charge of this universe. If there is a God, here's yet another reason why I am convinced God is Male. God is a bit sexist in too many ways to count. I feel and look a lot younger than my years. I really want to be able to have more than a couple more years to decide something with such a huge impact on my life. I've been completely unable to consider a family before now. My life until I met George just wouldn't have accommodated a child. It's wonderful that I finally have met the man of my dreams, and yet I am incredibly sad that it didn't happen 10 years ago, or even 5. Of course 10 years ago, I wouldn't have appreciated him, and since I kind of robbed the cradle, he wouldn't have been ready then. He was barely past drinking age. Now that's a funny thought. Well, that was quite a rabbit trail from my original opening words, but my birthday, and the subsequent pre holiday shopping and Christmas get togethers have kept me at a steady run since I last posted a blog. I hope everyone's having a great December.

It feels like the end of the world

I have been a Republican minded person for many years. I never thought I'd switch my point of view. And I can't help feeling this sinking feeling of doom contemplating the next four years. I don't engage in the arguments that surround me from friends, classmates, and co workers. I am not writing this in my journal so that anyone else can then argue with me or give their opinion. I am very educated and I do my homework. Unlike in the past, I've actually decided to use my own brain instead of letting others tell me how I am supposed to think and feel. My feelings about this presidency and about Republican vs. Democrat have never been cut and dry. There are strong points and weak points to both parties. I hear on NPR that the over all feeling from people who voted for Bush was more because of his "morality" and that's the very thing about him that made me switch parties and vote Democrat. I've been appalled at the manipulations, the lies, and the basic bullshit that we've been handed and are expected to put up with. That's not MY definition of moral. All year I've been thinking to myself, SURELY people aren't falling for this crap? Surely, someone out there has a PROBLEM with what's been going on in regards to this war. And I had to shake my head yesterday as I saw the election results, and then would hear reasons for why it happened. "He seems so strong, unwavering". "He should be allowed to finish what he started". That's like saying that the factory up the river might as well keep dumping their shit in the water, and finish off the fish since they might as well finish what they started. And speaking of pollution, I can't wait for my great grandchildren to read this and other journals I've written describing life in a world where they don't have to live in a bubble to survive. Maybe while I am here I should describe the forests and the beauty that still remains as part of our earth. I'll quit ranting now. I hope to God we don't all regret putting such a puppet back in the White House.

It started with a kiss.....

It's been a week since I had time to update my blog. That has a lot to do with the fact that the "powers that be" at my work place have decided we no longer need web access on the main printer that I am working on. That's my only real free time. During lag time I will take a moment to write and read email and update entries to the blog. So, with a quirky cd reader on this computer at home, posting my pics to my photo journal I am working on has also come to a stand still unless I can get it to work by some miracle. George said he'd help me.

Well, this blog is a reflection on George's birthday. We had a really nice time, enjoyed a couple of nice dinners with just the two of us, and then with my sister and her husband, whose birthday is the same day as George's. When I say "it started with a kiss", this was actually the "anniversary" of when I realized George and I had crossed over to an interest in each other that was "more" than friendship. It's truly one of my fondest memories of our shy beginning two years ago. I found out later that George had "rainchecked" a birthday dinner invite from his mom, because I spoke up a few days before his birthday and asked if he'd like to come over and watch ER with me and I'd cook him a simple birthday dinner, chocolate cake and all. Up to this point he and I had become good friends, and I was so attracted to him, but still wasn't sure if he saw me as more than just a good friend. He was playing the coy boy, I suppose. He'd seem so interested in spending time with me, but he wasn't making "moves" for the same reasons I wasn't. He knew I'd been through so much relationship hell, and I think he was afraid I'd blow him off. The evening of his 30th birthday was the same as previous get togethers. We had a nice time talking, watching t.v., ate dinner and just did our usual relaxed friendly thing. I usually would hug him goodbye in a platonic way, but this evening, something possessed me to tip toe up and give him a quick kiss on the lips. I IMMEDIATELY inwardly freaked out, tho' he didn't register a negative reaction. He just smiled, said "goodnight" and went to his car. After he drove away, I spent the rest of the night going "you stupid idiot.....he probably DOESN'T even like you that way, and now he's going to avoid you at work."

The next day, though, he was his usual friendly self, and I thought..."this is a good sign- I suppose". But again, in his then-maddening way, he wouldn't acknowledge how exactly he was thinking or feeling about ANYTHING. He has since opened his heart to me completely. Later, upon leaving work for the evening, we said our "see ya laters" and he drove off, while I sat in the parking lot checking my phone messages. A minute later, his car comes circling back into the parking lot, and I fig'd he'd left something in the building. I rolled my window down as he got out of his car and started walking my way. He came to my window, leaned down and said "I forgot something" and proceeded to give me one of those sweet sexy kisses that make every single one of your nerve endings come alive from head to toe. Then, he got in his car and drove away. I was speechless. I must have sat there for God knows how long, unable to move or think. The first thought that finally registered was..."Oh my God, my life is about to change". I just seemed to know at that moment that he was "the one".

That was a template for how our relationship would progress through the next year and a half 'til our engagement. Both of us were carefully cultivating our love, yet he was endlessly surprising me with the answers I needed whenever I'd want to know where his heart was. He and I both were cautious, but so in sync, so perfect. I will do everything in my power to keep those sweet surprises as a regular part of our lives together.

It's 9/11, and it's been 3 weeks

I can't believe 3 weeks have passed since the ceremony. Two years ago today, George and I went on a "practice date". In other words, I was depressed from the anniversary of 9/11 and didn't want to go home to face the t.v. horror stories. I asked in a very casual way if he'd like to go see a movie to get away from it all, and my coworker Patty heard we were going and wanted to go too. Technically, this was NOT a real date whatsoever, and her going with us was no problem. In hind-sight though, it's funny because when she asked later..." did I just crash a date or something???" we both had this slightly surprised expression of "denial", each thinking to ourselves that we wouldn't have minded if it had been a date, but afraid to speak up and say so in case the other didn't feel that way and would then run "screaming into the night". Especially since we had both had such heartbreak in previous relationships etc.and each knew this about the other. We started off with such extreme caution, afraid to death of starting over. Well, instead it's been "happily ever after".

I finally think I can get some pictures posted from work. I hate being at work, but I'd hate being at school even more. I will post pics periodically as I can.